He has graduated....

to the blog...my little family journal.  Our sweet baby Maddox turned one a week ago today and so now I am done with documenting everything in his "Baby's First Year Journal" and he has graduated to the blog where I hope to be diligent in tracking his milestones, memories, and moments that I just want to always be able to cherish.  My hope also is that one day my boys will appreciate all the journaling I have done and view it as a resource for when they become Daddys (or maybe their wives will).  If nothing else I hope it is fun for them to read through how fun - and funny - it was for their Daddy and I to raise them.  And how DIFFICULT at times.  Mostly I hope they gain the understanding of just how LOVED and cherished they were/are!

So, little man is now a whole year old....hard for Mommy since he is our caboose.  No more babies for me...technically speaking, he is a toddler.  I got to tell you, I DESPISE that word right now.  I want him to be a baby forever.  I know, I know, I know.....everyone keeps saying "He will always be your baby."  No $#!%!! But we all know that it is not the same.  They get bigger, they start whining, talking back, not able to sleep snuggled up against your chest, preferring others to you, not drinking breast milk (at least not from your breast....move over momma, there is cold cow's milk readily available and safe for your baby now).  So many reasons to mourn the fact that I am no longer the Mommy to a baby...I am a Mommy to a TERRIFIC two-year-old, a FABULOUS five-year-old, and a TREASURED toddler, but not a BOUNCING, BEAUTIFUL baby!

So, how I am getting through this??? I am just enjoying the lingering babyisms...he is still nursing - although we have started the weaning process this past weekend, he will still fall asleep against my chest before nap and bed if he is REALLY worn out, he is not walking yet, he still fits comfortably and wonderfully (and likes it) in the Ergo, and he still seems to prefer me over anyone else....YEA!!!  In fact, his first word - and still his favorite - is Momma. 

Another way I am coping with this revelation?   I am focusing on all that is to come with three boys as they get older.  I look to the future as they get to ages where we can grab a couple clean pairs of underwear and a toothbrush and jump in the van and go on a trip (vs. now with monitors, pack n plays, pacis, sippy cups, diapers, etc.).  I look forward to all of us relaxing together as a cozy family on a Sunday afternoon all laying around the den enjoying a quiet time reading and napping.  I even look forward to when I can sit and have a cup of coffee, a glass of wine, or a beer and have a grown-up conversation with my "men" boys.  

Those are a couple of my "coping" mechanisms as I accept the fact that I do not have any "babies" and that I will not have anymore.  

I am so blessed to call these three babies "mine"!  Thank you, LORD!